Funniest love declarations in books

Howdy, everyone! Sorry I’ve been MIA for a while, but I’m working on several projects at a time. I must say, trying to build a bilingual career on two continents is unexpectedly exhausting, and the rewards are slow to come!

Anyway, the idea for today’s post came to me – as most brainstorms do – last night, when I was about to fall asleep. I’m just rereading (for the 7th or 8th time) Nora Roberts’s “Angels Fall”, a book I particularly enjoy, and the excerpt I’m about to reveal made me laugh out loud, as it does every time. The story’s main characters are Reece – a troubled woman who’s trying to escape some deep traumas, and Brody – a man who’s apparently an unfeeling jerk, but who develops a soft spot for the heroine in which many women will find themselves.

Love you worse 2Unlike the typical, syrupy love stories, their romance is more interesting and unusual. So, with this in mind, here is my Top Three Funniest Love Declarations in Books:

#3 is a scene from the very Queen of Comedy, Janet Evanovich and her well-known screw-up heroine, Stephanie Plum, forever torn between the love of two men, Ranger and Joe Morelli:

“How could you be tired? It’s eight o’clock. It’s time to get up! I’m leaving. Don’t you want to kiss me good-bye?”

Nothing. No answer. I whipped the sheet off him and left him lying there in all his glorious nakedness. Morelli still didn’t move.

I sat on the bed next to him. “Joe?”

“I thought you were going to work.”

“You’re looking very sexy . . . except for Mr. Happy, who seems to be sleepy.”

“He’s not sleepy, Steph. He’s in a coma. You woke him up every two hours and now he’s dead.”

“He’s dead?”

“Okay, not dead, but he’s not going to be up and dancing anytime soon. You might as well go to work. Did you walk Bob?”

“I walked Bob. I fed Bob. I cleaned the living room and the kitchen.”

“Love you,” Morelli said from under the pillow.

“I l-l-l-like you, too.” Shit.

 

 ~Eleven On Top, JANET EVANOVICH

 

#2 presents Claire and Jamie Fraser, the famous characters from “OUTLANDER”, the equally famous odyssey written by Diana Gabaldon, which has inspired Starz to create the TV series with the same name. This is when Claire first declares her love to her new husband:

“Oh, Jamie, I do love you!”

This time it was his turn to laugh. He doubled over, then sat down at the roadside, fizzing with mirth. He slowly fell over backward and lay in the long grass, wheezing and choking.

“What on earth is the matter with you?” I demanded, staring at him. At long last, he sat up, wiping his streaming eyes. He shook his head, gasping.

“Murtagh was right about women. Sassenach, I risked my life for ye, committing theft, arson, assault, and murder into the bargain. In return for which ye call me names, insult my manhood, kick me in the ballocks and claw my face. Then I beat you half to death and tell ye all the most humiliating things have ever happened to me, and you say ye love me.” He laid his head on his knees and laughed some more. Finally he rose and held out a hand to me, wiping his eyes with the other.

“You’re not verra sensible, Sassenach, but I like ye fine. Let’s go.”

 

~Outlander, DIANA GABALDON~

 

And now…Periods love

 

#1, the excerpt that has started this post, and one of the many reasons I love Nora Roberts’s books, full of edgy humor, among other things:

“I love you. I’m in love with you.”

She heard absolutely nothing for ten full seconds. And when he did speak, she caught the faintest trace of fear mixed in with the annoyance.

“Hell. No good deed goes unpunished.”

She laughed, rich and full and long. And the warmth of it soothed her raw throat, her raw nerves. “And that’s why, I must be out of my mind. Don’t worry about it, Brody.”

 

~Angels Fall, NORA ROBERTS~

 

I hope you enjoyed this post, and if it put a smile on your face, as it was intended, feel free to share the fun! 😉

Can He Love Her AND Her Past? Our Hero Has A Hard Decision To Make In ‘The Plot’ by @Melinda_De_Ross #FoolInLove #Romance

Siren Allen

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The road to a happily ever after in Romanceland is never an easy one. This month, we’re highlighting the dark moments of our favorite romance novels. In The Plot, our hero has a decision to make.

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He didn’t know how many hours had passed since he was staring sightlessly at the ceiling, alone in darkness with only his thoughts as company. It had been more than a week since he and Yoko had been together in this bed, ready to make love for the first time. A week since she’d told him she loved him, and he’d said the same to her. Then her sordid confession had been like the hit of a bus.

He still couldn’t take it all in. Whenever he imagined his sweet, innocent Yoko in bed with some other man—or men—he felt he would go mad. When he thought of everything she must have endured, of…

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🇷🇴 De ce să alegem e-Book-urile?

Trăim într-un secol al tehnologiei, suntem dependenți de telefoane, tablete și laptopuri, însă e incredibil câți oameni nu au descoperit încă e-Book-urile. Este adevărat și trist în același timp că din ce în ce mai puține persoane citesc în zilele noastre, însă totuși sunt plăcut surprinsă să văd din când în când câte un tânăr absorbit într-o carte. Fie că sunt în metrou, pe bancă în parc sau într-o micuță cafenea boemă, mă bucur enorm de câte ori am ocazia să văd oameni citind. Cu toate astea, în România chiar și majoritatea tinerilor încă se agață cu încăpățânare de cartea tipărită, în loc să dea o șansă și cărților electronice.

Nu știu câți dintre voi ați auzit de Streamland.ro, platforma electronică a Editurii Univers, care pune la dispoziție cea mai variată gamă de e-Book-uri de pe piața românească, la niște prețuri incredibile. Am fost extraordinar de încântată când Streamland a publicat unul din romanele mele în limba română, Un sărut franțuzesc în Londra, și de atunci am tot încercat să le arăt tuturor cunoștințelor mele avantajele de a citi cărți electronice.

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În primul rând, e-Book-urile nu ocupă spațiu. Poți purta o bibliotecă întreagă în buzunar, pe un simplu stick sau DVD. Nu mai spun cât sunt de comod de citit, chiar și pe telefon. Când aștepți să intri la dentist, sau când stai la coadă la supermarket, poți să scoți repede telefonul și să mai citești un capitol din cartea ta preferată. În plus, dacă tot ne petrecem atâta timp în fața unui ecran, fie că e calculator sau alt dispozitiv, măcar să facem ceva util, în loc să pierdem vremea pe Facebook.

Oricât de mult ador cărțile tipărite, mirosul de cerneală și de hârtie, protejarea mediului a devenit o problemă serioasă în ziua de azi. Dacă stăm să ne gândim câți copaci sunt masacrați pentru ca noi să putem răsfoi paginile unei cărți, ne dăm seama că e-Book-urile sunt un mod de a citi nu doar comod, ci și responsabil. În plus, dacă vrem să căutăm ceva anume într-o carte electronică, trebuie doar să dăm un simplu search, nu să ne chinuim ochii parcurgând sute de pagini până găsim ceva.

Și dacă tot am ajuns la subiectul ochi, a apărut o soluție și pentru cei care au probleme cu vederea și nu pot citi prea mult, însă adoră cărțile. Mărturisesc că eu fac parte din această categorie. Sunt o cititoare avidă și devorez sute de cărți pe an — toate astea în timp ce merg pe stradă, dau cu aspiratorul sau tai legume pentru ciorbă. Ce face posibilă această minune? Cărțile audio, și programele gen TextAloud, care printr-unul din multele miracole ale tehnologiei moderne, face posibil ca o voce electronică să îți citească, pur și simplu, cartea preferată.

Un alt avantaj al e-Book-urilor este că sunt mult mai ieftine decât cărțile tipărite, și nu ocupă spațiu decât în memoria virtuală a unui dispozitiv. S-a terminat cu rafturile pline de cărți pe care trebuie să le ștergi de praf în fiecare săptămână, și care sunt atât de ghiftuite că nu mai ai loc unde să le îndeși. În schimb, poți să îți cumperi oricâte e-Book-uri vrei, și  dacă știi unde să cauți, ai să găsești o mulțime de cărți electronice gratuite. Da, exact: GRATUITE. Autorii moderni sunt atât de nerăbdători să își promoveze cărțile și să încurajeze cititul, încât de multe ori le oferă gratis iubitorilor de lectură.

Toate acestea constituie doar o listă infimă cu avantajele nemaipomenite pe care le au cei ce aleg e-Book-urile. Pe măsură ce veți deveni fani ai cărților electronice, veți descoperi o gamă nelimitată de atu-uri pe care cărțile tipărite nu vi le oferă. În plus, având ocazia să citiți numeroase cărți gratuite, oricând și oriunde, vă veți îmbunătăți cultura generală și veți descoperi noi autori. Nu-i așa că v-am pus pe gânduri? 🙂

 

The Plot by Melinda De Ross #InLust #Suspense #Romance #MarchMadness

Siren Allen

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Happy first day of March and welcome to the Madly In Lust Blog Event. Today’s Madly In Lust author is Melinda De Ross and she’s sharing a steamy scene from her romantic suspense novel, The Plot. Enjoy and be sure to enter the Madly In Lust giveaway!

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REALITY IS NOT A FAIRYTALE. CAN A VICTIM OF HUMAN TRAFFICKING HAVE A HAPPY ENDING AFTER YEARS OF ABUSE AND DEGRADATION? ESPECIALLY WHEN HER ONLY FOCUS IS GETTING PAYBACK…

At eighteen, Yoko Hirano falls into the tentacles of a human trafficking organization and is forced into prostitution. Her first sexual experience is close to a rape, so she becomes traumatized and her opinions about men are low and unflattering. She uses her charms only as means of manipulation.

Four years later she meets the tall, dark and charming antique dealer Mark Chandler. They both acknowledge reluctantly the complicated chemistry between them, but Yoko’s…

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30 Pieces of Honesty

1.What was the last thing you put in your mouth?chocolates_03

A: Liqueur chocolates.
2. Where was your profile picture taken?

A: In Brasov, during our holiday in July.
3. Do you play Pokemon GO?

A: NO!
4. Name someone who made you laugh today.

A: Same person who makes me laugh a hundred times a day: my hubby.
5. How late did you stay up last night?

A: Midnight.
6. If you could move somewhere else, where would it be?

A: New Zealand or some tropical island without poisonous creatures.
7. Ever been kissed under fireworks?

A: No.
8. Which of your friends lives closest?

A: Costina.
9. Do you believe ex’s can be friends?

A: Depends on the reason of the breakup.
10. How do you feel about Dr. Pepper?

A: Never tried it.
11. When was the last time you cried?

A: Yesterday.
12. Who took your profile picture?

A: My husband.
13. Who is the last person you took a picture of?

A: Again, my amazing husband. ❤img_20160612_210139
14. Was yesterday better than today?

A: Not at all.
15. Can you live a day without TV?

A: I don’t watch TV. Ever.
16. Are you upset about anything?

A: My current book is taking longer to finish than I hoped.
17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?

A: Relationships are the main reason that makes life worth living.
18. Are you a bad influence?

A: Maybe to small children. I tend to swear a lot. :-/
19. Night out or night in?

A: In is always better.
20. What items could you not go without during the day?

A: My laptop. It was in the repair shop for two weeks. I thought I would die, honestly.
21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?

A: I can’t remember.
22. What does the last text message in your inbox say?

A: Which inbox? I have loads of them!
23. How do you feel about your life right now?

A: Going up, wish it was faster, but all in all, happy.
24. Do you hate anyone? Hate is a very strong word. I dislike a few, but hate?

A: No. I’ve never really hated anyone in my life.
25.  Has anyone ever called you perfect?

A: My husband, all the time. Love must be blind! 😀
26. Someone knocks on your window at 2AM, who do you want it to be?

A: Since I live at the 5th floor, if that happened I’d probably have a heart attack first, then shoot the intruder, then ask what the hell he’s doing there.
27. Name something you have to do tomorrow.

A: Grocery shopping.
28. Do you think too much or too little?

A: Waaaaay too much!
29. Do you laugh a lot?

A: Yes. To quote Chaplin, a day without laughter is a wasted day.
30. Do you have any fears?

A: Many of them. Most of all I fear to ever be forced to live without my husband, who is truly my soul mate. Whatever else might happen, together we can face anything. ❤

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Saturday night fun

Hi guys! Sorry I’ve been MIA for quite a long time, but it’s been a busy summer. Between a fabulous Transylvanian vacation, releasing a new book and writing another, my days have pretty much raced past me. Today however I stumbled over a fun challenge on Facebook, and decided to take it. It’s called Let’s see if you aren’t ashamed of your past…
So, here goes:

💪Tattoos? – Not yet…

👂Piercings? – 5 and a half. Don’t ask.

💍Engagements? – One that led to my wonderful marriage.

👫 Children? – Not yet.

🚗 Speeding ticket? – It’s in my future, I’m sure. :/

🚓 Been arrested? – No, why should I? Did you hear something? 😀

🚓 Been in prison/jail cell? – Nope.

👊 Been in a fist fight? – Um… Once, but I didn’t start it. :p

🔫 Shot a gun? – All the time!

🍻 Ever been drunk? – Not exactly…

🏥 Ever broken a bone? – No. God takes care of fools and all that…

💥🚙 Ever crashed a car? Same as above.

If you had as much fun as I did reminiscing over crazy days of misspent youth, I challenge you all to keep this going. Happy Saturday! 😉

First peek into The Job Blower ;)

Hi there, everyone! Don’t know about you guys, but I am melting at 104 (40 Celsius) degrees, and I think my tongue is hanging out a little from all this heat. The only light at the end of the tunnel (or, in this case, the promise of coolness and shadows) is the trip to the mountains my husband and I have planned on my birthday in July. One week of mountain views, fresh air, and possibly bears. Although they are considered one of Brasov’s main attractions, I do hope we can pass this last bit of excitement.

I plan to take a well-deserved break from writing as well, but since I’m at it now, I’m going to post the first excerpt of my latest novel, The Job Blower. Now, I know the title sounds naughty to your dirty little minds (I was counting on that!), but in fact this is a non-kinky, explosive Romantic Comedy about a pretty air-head, Camilla Jackson, who screws up job after job, leaving disaster and destruction wherever she goes. Until she meets the handsome and troubled Carter Evans, of course…

 

But first, here’s a little sneak-peek into the book, right after Camilla is fired from her first job at a law firm:The Job Blower New

“I stopped by the supermarket and bought half a gallon of ice cream, three boxes of chocolates and a few other similar items any girl needs during a crisis. I’d just paid for my purchases when I realized I needed to pee quite urgently. I grabbed my bags and headed toward the ladies’ room. No one was about, but when I opened the door to a stall, I was confronted by the naked hairy ass of a man. I nearly dropped my bags in my indignation.
“Get out, you asshole! This is for women,” I shouted.
“So is this,” he said, turning around with his penis in his hand. I couldn’t help but stare for a moment, repulsed yet fascinated by the tiny appendage protruding from an impressive forest of pubic hair.
“Put that thing away and get out of here,” I shrieked, noticing from the corner of my eye that two other women had stepped into the room and were chattering loudly. They couldn’t see the guy, but I heard their intakes of breath when the guy asked me, “Wanna touch it?”
I pointed toward the door.
“Out!”
“No, no. Right here, so everyone can see,” the pervert said, still holding his wanger and wiggling it at me.
“Jesus!” I heard one of the women echoing my thoughts aloud as she inched closer to see what was going on. “Martha, call security!” she told her friend in a high, snooty voice. “Tell them there’s a naked man in the women’s restroom.”
The other woman took a peek at the exhibitionist, then clamped a hand over her eyes with a gasp and ran toward the door. I rolled my eyes in disgust and followed her. There weren’t many shocking things in Jersey, and I was really hard to shock.”


¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ THE JOB BLOWER
You can find THE JOB BLOWER on Amazon, Smashwords and everywhere books are sold online. Whether if you’re going on a holiday or not, this is a great summer read. ❤

Feisty Females Part 1: Yoko from ‘The Plot’ by Melinda De Ross #Review

Find out why Yoko Hirano is my feisty heroine this weekend, and why bestselling romance author Siren Allen gave THE PLOT a 5* review! Happy weekend everyone!<3

Siren Allen

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Happy Sexy Saturday!

June is here and all month long I’ll be shining the spotlight on feisty heroines in romance. Today’s Feisty Female is Yoko Hirano from THE PLOT by Melinda De Ross. Melinda is going to share with us what traits make her character part of the Feisty Female Club.
**My review of the book is at the bottom of the post. 🙂 **

The Plot~Feisty Heroines: Yoko Hirano~

When I was invited to talk about my most impressive book heroine, I immediately chose to talk about Yoko Hirano, the twenty-two-year-old female lead from my Suspense Romance, THE PLOT. Yoko is one of the strongest characters I have ever created, and I admit her story wasn’t easy to write. A strong woman by nature, she was forced to become even stronger when she was pushed into prostitution at age eighteen. Unfortunately, this horrifying experience with which many women are confronted…

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To be or not to be … mysterious?

Good Saturday morning everyone! I hope your weekend is relaxing and fun, as I try to make mine every week. I’ve been thinking about today’s post topic for some time now, and now I actually have a few minutes to tackle the question: do readers prefer to know their 3 sidesfavorite authors better, or do they prefer the aura of mystery that envelops some of them?

Opinions are of course different. Some authors think that hiding behind a curtain of mystery that separates them from the rest of us mere mortals makes them more intriguing, and attracts readers. However, most publishers encourage authors to be in as much contact with their fans, a theory with which I tend to agree.  Being an avid reader, I often find myself researching my favorite writers. I like reading about them, their biographies, their writing experiences, their personal lives. Knowing them as persons does not diminish in any way my interest in their work, but actually makes me respect them more, along with everything they have accomplished.

So, following an older post called Alpha-Me from A to Z, here are a few more personal things I’d like to share with my readers and fans, which I generally refer to as friends.

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  1. Definitely cats. Though I adore almost all animals—except for snakes, big lizards, and other such creatures only a mother could love—cats are my favorite companions. Having owned dozens across the years, I think they are loving, intelligent, classy animals, and numerous studies have proved they can be a true form of therapy for everything, from depression to rheumatism.
  2. Tea. I never drink coffee, because I’m a jittery person by nature, and coffee makes me literally climb the walls. Not a pleasant feeling, although my husband finds my nervousness and OCD fits very entertaining. :-/
  3. If I have to choose, I’d say music, although it’s ironic, because I’ve been a professional athlete for more than a decade (target shooter). However, I don’t follow sports (yes, I should probably be flogged for this, I know).
  4. BOTH! I’m a lover of any form of art, and both books and movies are at the top of my list. In fact, I’ve just finished watching one of my favorite duology, The Addams Family, for probably the dozenth time. After that, I’ll start The Jurassic Park quadrilogy, also for the dozenth time.
  5. Each has its charm, but generally I’m a person who loves words that start with S: summer, sun, sand, sea … and of course, sex. 😛

I sincerely hope you liked finding out these facts about me, and that I’ve offered you even a moment of entertainment on this lovely Saturday. Have an awesome weekend, my friends! ❤

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Three reasons why you should read

I’ve always heard that, ironically, writers read very little because of the lack of time. Well, I’m proud to be the exception to this rule. While it’s true I don’t have much time to read, I listen to audio books most of the day, and my Mp3 Player is always handy. Thanks to my husband and the wonderful technology that makes this possible, I can turn every e-Book in audio format with a program called Text Aloud. Listening to books makes my life better, it makes it easier to cook and clean 12507589_10153080083915834_2906003444876111692_nthe house—which I hate, makes loneliness less painful during the long hours my husband is at work. Books can put a smile on my face and help me relax as nothing else does.

I’ve loved reading ever since I was four and my mother taught me how to read. I suppose it was both an acquired as well as an innate taste, since my father is not only an avid reader, but a writer as well. Our home has always been filled with books of all kinds, and that makes the memories of my childhood pricelessly wonderful. I’m sad to see the generations that come after me read less and less. Maybe that’s why I’m so happy when I receive messages from teenagers who say they love, or at least like my books. That means they read, so there is still hope.

Why read? others ask me. Why read when you can play a game on your Play Station or watch a movie bursting with sex and violence? Well, I’ll give you 3 good reasons why books will make your life better:

  1. Reading makes you SMARTER.

It’s been scientifically proven over and over again that reading has tremendous influence in developing your intellect, improving your memory and imagination. It doesn’t matter if you prefer fiction or non-fiction, there’s always something to learn from a book. Your entire vision of the world changes, your vocabulary improves, and you become able to carry conversations regarding a number of subjects you’ll have to tackle one day for a job interview, or to impress a potential lover. You’ll never sit awkwardly again in a room full of smart people, embarrassed that you have no notion of ridiculously simple things, like on which continent Egypt is located, or who invented the light bulb. Shame on you! 😛

  1. Reading helps you RELAX.

Personally I prefer reading fiction, anything that contains a love story, to be more specific. Why? Because reading helps me escape the trivial or sometimes tragic problems of daily life. It gives me a state of optimism, a mental break from my inner turmoil, and sometimes even helps me find the most unexpected solutions to the problems I was trying to get away from. There’s nothing more stress-releasing than lying in bed or in a tub full of foamy hot water, reading a good book. I mean, what’s not to love about indirectly living the adventures of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn from the comfort of your own bedroom?

  1. Reading makes you SEXIER.

FB_IMG_1455585468715You might think I’m crazy by this time, but I’ll prove to you in a minute that I’m not. It’s a known fact that women read more than men. Consequently, women find men who read immensely more attractive than those who don’t. After all, unless the woman you like is a sports fanatic, what the hell do you have to talk about together? This might shock you, gentlemen, but while you’re watching your favorite ball game, be aware that your girlfriend/wife is getting on with her current book boyfriend. Because you know what? Women who read are not only smarter, but those who love romance novels especially are also hornier and much more creative in bed.

So, guys, you’d better put down the remote and grab a book from time to time if you don’t want to be replaced by a fictional character. Better yet, buy your lover a pile of romance books and a negligee, and I can guarantee neither of them will collect dust! 😉